Reverb Day 3: L-I-V-I-N

For the month of December, all my blog posts are coming from prompts from Reverb 10 where people reflect on this year and manifest what’s next.

Today’s topic? To pick one moment when you felt the most alive.

Off topic tangent: I had today off from work and still woke up at the same time that I would if I was going to work (FAIL). I checked my email and saw this prompt. I’ve been thinking ever since I got up and I’ve really been struggling with this one. That sort of made me sad because honestly? It’s like there’s no real moment when I feel alive? But then I realized that I generally do feel alive, except from 9 to 5 when I’m chained to my desk and wondering if being unemployed was really that bad.

Who am I kidding? It was terrible. I’d rather have a job.

There are 2 moments that come to mind when I think of being alive. One of the moments isn’t an exact moment, but a series of moments. I remember driving home from the beach, or from bocce, or from a picnic or any of those things over the summer. I had my windows down, the music up and I was singing at the top of my lungs. In those moments, when it was hot and humid and really, the most awesome summer, I felt alive. Everything was headed in a direction that I wanted it to go in. And if driving around late at night with your windows rolled down and the music cranked up doesn’t put you in a better mood, then there’s no hope for you. I’d be driving on all the twisty roads back to my house, listening to Miranda Lambert and thinking about how life was. I liked going home to Cupcake Land and Lilo. I liked waking up in the morning and feeling productive. I loved going to see the trainer and having her push me and make me do things that I never thought that I would do.

This summer was hot and long and filled with moments of awesomeness. Every moment I went through I thought was one of the best moments because I could experience it.

The second moment has a time and a place. It was the Friday before Labor Day and whenever there’s a 3 day weekend, Fancy Marketing Company lets us out at 3. I went to see the trainer that day and then came home. My dad was sitting out on the deck behind our house, enjoying a beer. So I joined him. We looked out into the yard as the sun was going down. There was a warm breeze. It was quiet. It was peaceful. I just sat there with my dad and we had a moment. I don’t have moments with my dad because we don’t connect like that. But there we were, two adults that were drinkin’ a beer and thinkin’ about how the week went. It couldn’t have been more perfect.

For the rest of the summer, I’d try to duplicate that moment. I’d sit with my dad on the deck, but it was never the same. We’d have people over and even then, the atmosphere and the feelings were lost.

21 came over a few weeks ago before it got too cold and we sat on the deck and were silent. While it was a good moment, it didn’t make me feel alive. It made me like him more than I did before, but it wasn’t a feeling of being alive. He sat there and held my hand and told me how pretty my eyes are. He pulled my hood up on my sweatshirt when the wind started blowing. That’s not living life. That’s being loved.

But – either feeling alive or loved – it’s still an amazing feeling.

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Alana in Canada
    Dec 03, 2010 @ 21:13:35

    Interesting choices of moments. In one, you’re full of motion and noise. The other is the opposite. Good stuff.

    Reply

  2. Pam
    Dec 04, 2010 @ 21:47:34

    I agree with you. There isn’t necessarily a moment I feel most alive but there are specific moments I feel alive the most.

    Reply

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