I try not to spend a lot of time thinking about 21. Because honestly, it’s no good for me. So whenever I do, I shove it out of my mind and think about something else.

But last night? I dreamed of him. I dreamed that he was dating some other girl. And he didn’t really like this other girl, so he told me that we were better off together. I don’t know if we got back together in the dream, but I woke up and thought that everything was as it was.

It wasn’t.

It’s like I don’t understand why my brain would do this to me. When I dream about things I want that I can’t have – a new car, a new life, perfect hair – I’m not upset when I wake up and realize that I don’t have those things. So what my hair isn’t perfect? I’m..still blonde? But those are small things. But when I dream of ex-boyfriends, I always wake up being more upset than I was days before. It’s really interesting that all it takes is a dream of an ex.

There’s really only 2 boyfriends that I’ve dreamed of: recently, 21 and then? The most evil of all ex-boyfriends. I dream about the most evil of all ex-boyfriends more than I’d like to admit. When I dream of him, he’s the guy that I dated that made me laugh, not the evil douche he turned out to be. In these dreams, the guys do what I always wanted them to do and not whatever they actually did.

Just writing about it makes me feel better. I can dream about things all I want. It’s not my reality. I need to keep remembering that. What people do in my dreams is not how they act in real life. People can do terrible things and be terrible, but in my dreams, everyone is nice and sunshiney and lovely. That’s not how things work.

So I can dream every night that 21 is going to realize he made a mistake…but I need to realize he’s not. And I need to remember how the spark wasn’t there. Because without a spark, there’s nothing. He was great. Now he’s gone.

Now I’m going to move on.

In absolutely unrelated news, here’s the new addition
Meet puppy Duke.  He’s a coonhound/bloodhound mix and just about the cutest thing you’ll ever see.  He’s currently a little too big for himself…but we love him anyway.  Thank you for being around, Duke.  At least I have something to squeeze.


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