Then there was that one time someone called me names

Okay, so remember how I wrote that post about how Gilmore and I were no longer friends on facebook?  And I said Facebook wasn’t real life?

It’s still not real life.  But things have changed.  And I’m going to admit some things about myself.  So be prepared.  The first thing that I am going to admit?  Sometimes, I facebook stalk people.  LISTEN, we all do it.  We all want to find out what that person we liked in high school is up to.  We all want to know more about an ex’s girlfriend.  It’s human nature.  Then you fall down the rabbit hole and next thing you know you’re looking at all 4,895 of someone’s pictures, trying to figure out what their deal is. That being said – I facebook stalked Gilmore.  We’re not friends, but I wanted to see what he was up to.  I AM A CURIOUS PERSON.

And through my stalking, I found out that Gilmore calls me Big Evil.  Like, that is my proper name.  He calls me Big Evil on Facebook.  Which is sort of funny, in and of itself.  I’m not really that evil.  I just told him that I didn’t want to be with him anymore.  It’s not like I was seeing someone else or found someone else, it’s just that those feelings weren’t there anymore.  So in Gilmore’s world, being honest equals being evil.  Are we all squared away on that?  Good.

In addition, Gilmore is still friends with some of my friends on facebook.  So when they post pictures of me on facebook, he can see them.

And again, in his demented mind, I’m Big Evil.  Which means that he can say mean and nasty things about me on facebook.  Like saying in a roundabout way that I’m ugly and fat.  Which is just like…really?  Are you 13 years old?  That’s the best thing you can come up with?  ALSO ON FACEBOOK?  Mind you, he’s not telling me I’m ugly and fat.  He’s posting on his friend’s wall that should he ever say that his life is sucking right now, he should look at pictures of me and be reminded that it doesn’t.  Because he’s not with me anymore.

This just…what the fuck dude?  I’m not going to say anything to him because then I look like the freaky stalker (which maybe I am) and also because then it’s just feeding into his statements.  He wants me to notice.  But here’s the thing.  We broke up at the end of August.  We’re in the middle of January.  He’s still calling me the Big Evil.  He’s still saying that I’m a bad person.  it was MONTHS ago.  He’s still hung up on it.  He’s still saying insulting things about me to other people.  Which makes him look like a twat.  And honestly?  I’m sorry that I hurt his feelings.  I know it stings.  BUT it had to be done.  I was a mature adult about it.  I sat him down and explained it.  That was that.

And me?  I don’t regret my decision at all.  Him acting like a baby just makes me realize that I should have either left sooner or been meaner about it, since I’m the Big Evil anyway.  If someone’s going to call me that, I should have least done something to deserve it.

Since I’m being honest about the facebook stalking, I’ll be honest about my feelings.  I know it shouldn’t bother me.  Because he’s going for the low blow here.  But it hurt.  It hurt to have someone that supposedly “loved” me call me horrible things in a very public forum.  It hurt that he felt that is appropriate.  Right now, I’m not feeling too good about myself.  I’m feeling a little unpretty, a little overweight and you know, a lot low self esteem.  So for his comments to be said hit a little too close to home for me.

Which leaves me here.  Blogging about a stupid comment a stupid person left about me that wasn’t even to me.  Now I’m inspired though.  You want to call me fat?  That’s what you think is appropriate?  Screw you.  I’m back to the gym.  I’m working out.  And you know what?  I can fix fat.  Hell, you can even fix ugly.

There are things about him you can’t fix.  Things I won’t share on the internet, but know that they aren’t fixable.  There’s one big thing about him that can’t be fixed, no matter what you do.  All the plastic surgery, make-up and cover-ups can’t fix being ugly on this inside.  He has to live with that.

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