If this was a football game, it would be time for a pep-talk right now.

Here’s the thing about 2012 – it has not been the best to me.  really.  I’ve not had a good 3 months.

It started out when I had some sort of mini flu when I was in Atlanta for New Years.  So instead of going out and watching fireworks with friends, I was at my friend’s apartment.  On an air mattress.  I had shaking chills, a fever, and generally felt like death.  HAPPY NEW YEAR.

At that point, I should have known that there was no good way for this to go.  But I was optimistic.  Because you know, one bad day does not equal a lifetime of bad days.  Again – I was wrong.  After my illness in Atlanta, I had pink eye in both eyes.  And then strep throat.  I was in sad shape.

But I recovered!  As I knew I would.  And after that I was hitting the gym a lot and working out and lifting weights…and then my back started bothering me.  Like really bothering me.  I figured it was something with my sciatic nerve and didn’t think much else of it.  I was taking anti-inflammatory drugs and then I stopped working out so hard.  Then my back felt better and I went back to working out full tilt.

Until my back started hurting more.  And worse.  Two weeks ago I woke up in the middle of the night because I was having a back spasm.  I made an appointment to see my doctor right away.  She did x-rays, which showed nothing.  She sent me to the orthopedist.  And off I went.  He ordered an MRI.  And then my foot went numb.  I cannot feel part of my foot.  If I wasn’t alarmed because my back was screaming, I was alarmed after that.

I’ve come to find out that I have a severely herniated disc in my back.  And one of the nerves is being pinched, so that’s why I have no feeling in my foot.  I’m glad that I know what’s wrong with me…but at the same time, it’s kind of like, really?  Really right now?

I was putting money in my FSA, thinking that I would get a new pair of glasses this year.  But after paying for the x-rays and the co-pays and the MRIs, I will be lucky if I have any extra money left.  It’s frustrating because at this point, It seems like there is nothing I can do.  I do have an appointment to see a physical therapist and that should help.  But I’m just sad now.

There’s not much I can do.  I would go for a walk, but with my numb foot, I just kind of limp along.  I can’t really lift anything – or shouldn’t really lift anything.  I only just recently was able to fall asleep without the help of the muscle relaxers.  I’m broken.  That’s what it comes down to.

At the same time, I’m lucky that I can afford to go to the doctors.  I’m glad that I pushed an issue that was bothering me and it wasn’t just something stupid.  And most importantly, while this is a serious thing, it’s not that serious.  I’m not going to die.  I’m not going to have to have my legs chopped off. I  just have to take it easy and let myself heal (or at least that’s what I’m hoping to do)

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