Future Husband, I have a confession…

I did this last week just because.  And then I got to thinking more and think it’s a great idea.  Totally weird.  But absolutely great.

Dear Future Husband,

I have a confession – sometimes I think about what our wedding will be like.  And by that I mean I dream of all the things that I can do.  See, I’m sort of crafty.  Or I’d like to think that I am.  And sometimes my head gets all filled up with things from pinterest that I think I can do.  Perhaps I can do them.  it’s really hard to say.  Regardless, I already know how I want our wedding to be.

You can have input.  You hate the centerpieces that I’ve already designed in my head?  Fine, we’ll change them.  you don’t like the idea of pie for dessert?  Okay, we can have cake.  You don’t want a big bridal party?  I’m sorry, I can’t help that. We can compromise though.  There are plenty of things we don’t have to do.

But we do have to make our wedding a total dance party.  We do have to have an after the wedding party.  And the next morning?  We need to have brunch.  These are things that you cannot deny would be super fun.  I’d like to think that our wedding will just be one huge party.  Because that’s what it should be – a celebration of two people coming together.

Many people I know are in serious relationships right now.  Even more people are married.  But we’re not there quite yet, Future Husband.  I know we will be one day.  That just means that when we get married, it’s going to be a big blow out.  People will be talking about our wedding because it will be the only one at the time.  We’ll hire babysitters for our friend’s kids so they can come and enjoy the wedding.  We’ll do everything we can to make the day stress free.

Whenever I think about our wedding, Future Husband, I realize tht I forget one thing.  I forget that our wedding is about you and me joining our lives.  And it’s not about the dress and the food and the booze and the flowers and the music.  It’s about you and me and forever.  I’ll try to keep that in mind.

But I can’t lie – the food and the music and the dress and the booze are good things.  But nothing as good as being with you.




Dear Future Husband (because that’s not holy weird or anything)

Prompt based on this post from Peter 

Dear Future Husband,

I’m really glad I found you.  No, really.  I mean, it took me long enough to get here, so I’m thrilled that we’re together.  Obliviously you’re pretty awesome to want to marry me.  And who wouldn’t want to do that?  Idiots, most likely.

Regardless, here we are.  I hope you’re excited for our life together.  I know I’m not always the easiest person to deal with.  I know I’m demanding at times.  I know I can make you tired – I make myself tired.  But I will promise that we’ll always have something to laugh about.  And that I’ll always do my best to make you smile.  And we won’t go to bed angry at each other.  Most importantly – and really, the most important thing – we’re in this together.

I can also promise that I’ll bake wonderful things for you to eat.  I promise that if I make a mess in the kitchen, I’ll clean it up.  I’ll make dinner – as long as you offer to do that sometimes too.

But you have to promise me a few things.  Promise me that we’ll make time for adventures and Saturdays spent in bed.  Promise that when it snows too much, we’ll not even leave the house, but stay in our pajamas and roast marshmallows and wish for the summer.  Promise me we can watch Arrested Development when we’ve had bad days at work and order take out and have a picnic on the floor.  And promise that when my college friends come to visit, you won’t get upset with all the squealing.  Because that happens a lot. Also, please keep in mind my family is sort of nuts.  So don’t take what they say to heart.  Eventually they will love you as much as I do – if they don’t already.

Well Future Husband, that’s all for now.  I know there’s so much more I have to say to you.



Wine and Love, Week 1

So Nora does something each week where you talk about things that make you want to drink more wine and things that you love. And since it’s dead at work and I have nothing better to do…I give you…

Things that make me want to drink a little more wine…
– The amount of driving I’m going to do in the month of May
– Coworkers complaining to me about my boss. As if I can change her
– Feeling overwhelmed with my life
– Living at home. Still. Ugh.
– When random thoughts of 21 creep back into my mind.
– Emails from guys that don’t like you that much anymore
– Pants not fitting quite right
– Terrible wedding in September that I’m in.

Things that make me love…
– Sunshine. Finally.
– Wearing an adorable dress and heels to work on Tuesday and feeling very sassy when I did so
– Buying new shoes.
– The puppy.
– Ordering my bridesmaid dress for the wedding in July. I LOVE it.

March Reverb Prompt

Even though reverb ’10 is over, they are still sending out prompts. And March’s prompt is “if March 2011 was your last month to live, how would you live it?”

I was thinking about this while I was in line at starbucks this morning (hi, pretentious!). and there are just so many things…you know? If I knew I only had the next 31 days (well, less than that now) to be alive, I would kick things up a notch. I would…
– Travel. Go where I needed to go. Visit the places I’ve never been
– Get more tattoos.
– Sexy times. I would have them. Lots of them.
– Quit my job. Leave Connecticut.
– SPEND BABY. I would buy all the things. Yes, I can’t take them with me, but you know what? I might as well be fabulous before I go.
– Fancy dinners in fancy places
– Tell everyone how much I loved them. Tell all my friends what they mean to me. Also, I would call up my exboyfriend’s wife and tell her exactly what sort of nonsense he gets into when she’s not around. Yes, that’s bitchy and mean, but she needs to hear it. And it’s not like I would be around for the fallout on that one.
– Tell 21 what he means to me. We haven’t gotten there yet – but if I had a month, I would tell him.
– Not worry about what I weigh and eat everything I’ve been dying to eat. Live my life with bread and cheese and chocolate and booze
– Leave whatever I had to my brother. He needs it more than I do.
– Live. Live hard and out loud. Don’t stop myself from saying what i want to say. Say what I need to say – because I wouldn’t have another chance.

Reverb Day 8 – I’m a funny girl

In case maybe you missed it, almost all my blog posts during the month of December are inspired by Reverb ’10

Today’s prompt – Beautifully different. Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful.

When I got this email, I was out working in the Field and got really excited. Yes I can be that lame. Don’t judge.

I’m not sure what I could say that makes me different. I think that I just am different. I know stupid things about me that make me a little bit different: I laugh at things that might not be funny – I giggle whenever 21 kisses me – I sometimes try to reason with myself out loud – whenever I get bored with life, I decide to bake – I have a love affair with Tony Stark (yes, Iron Man) – I miss my college town so bad that it hurts sometimes – I’m a walking disaster.

But do those things light people up? Probably not. Except for the fact I’m a walking disaster. That’s always a shining light. Whenever I call someone to tell them about how a I walked into a filing cabinet? I bet they laugh.

The one thing that probably does is Best of Sarah. (Time for a shameless plug!) My roommate/soupsnake/very very good friend started this blog about 2 years ago. We would email each other from work and I would say ridiculous things. She would then forward the ridiculous things to people she knew. They would laugh and laugh. So then she decided that she should just cut out the middle man…and have a blog. So the Best of Sarah was born.

I know whenever I’m feeling a bit down or not pleased with myself, I read BoS. Everything is right with the world. Because honestly? I’M FUNNY. Or mostly funny.

I know that I am good at making people smile. I know that I can cut tension in the room by just cracking a simple joke. And honestly, some of the worst times in my life, when I’ve been crying hysterically and thinking how much of a wreck my life is, I’m still laughing at something.

I’m going to say that my sense of humor lights up someone’s life. And if not? At least it lights up mine.

Reverb Day 3: L-I-V-I-N

For the month of December, all my blog posts are coming from prompts from Reverb 10 where people reflect on this year and manifest what’s next.

Today’s topic? To pick one moment when you felt the most alive.

Off topic tangent: I had today off from work and still woke up at the same time that I would if I was going to work (FAIL). I checked my email and saw this prompt. I’ve been thinking ever since I got up and I’ve really been struggling with this one. That sort of made me sad because honestly? It’s like there’s no real moment when I feel alive? But then I realized that I generally do feel alive, except from 9 to 5 when I’m chained to my desk and wondering if being unemployed was really that bad.

Who am I kidding? It was terrible. I’d rather have a job.

There are 2 moments that come to mind when I think of being alive. One of the moments isn’t an exact moment, but a series of moments. I remember driving home from the beach, or from bocce, or from a picnic or any of those things over the summer. I had my windows down, the music up and I was singing at the top of my lungs. In those moments, when it was hot and humid and really, the most awesome summer, I felt alive. Everything was headed in a direction that I wanted it to go in. And if driving around late at night with your windows rolled down and the music cranked up doesn’t put you in a better mood, then there’s no hope for you. I’d be driving on all the twisty roads back to my house, listening to Miranda Lambert and thinking about how life was. I liked going home to Cupcake Land and Lilo. I liked waking up in the morning and feeling productive. I loved going to see the trainer and having her push me and make me do things that I never thought that I would do.

This summer was hot and long and filled with moments of awesomeness. Every moment I went through I thought was one of the best moments because I could experience it.

The second moment has a time and a place. It was the Friday before Labor Day and whenever there’s a 3 day weekend, Fancy Marketing Company lets us out at 3. I went to see the trainer that day and then came home. My dad was sitting out on the deck behind our house, enjoying a beer. So I joined him. We looked out into the yard as the sun was going down. There was a warm breeze. It was quiet. It was peaceful. I just sat there with my dad and we had a moment. I don’t have moments with my dad because we don’t connect like that. But there we were, two adults that were drinkin’ a beer and thinkin’ about how the week went. It couldn’t have been more perfect.

For the rest of the summer, I’d try to duplicate that moment. I’d sit with my dad on the deck, but it was never the same. We’d have people over and even then, the atmosphere and the feelings were lost.

21 came over a few weeks ago before it got too cold and we sat on the deck and were silent. While it was a good moment, it didn’t make me feel alive. It made me like him more than I did before, but it wasn’t a feeling of being alive. He sat there and held my hand and told me how pretty my eyes are. He pulled my hood up on my sweatshirt when the wind started blowing. That’s not living life. That’s being loved.

But – either feeling alive or loved – it’s still an amazing feeling.

Reverb Day 1 – One Word

Inspired by Ashley, I’m going to do the Reverb 10 project. Mostly because I suck as a blogger and I need someone to tell me what to write about. So thank you Reverb!

Today’s prompt is to sum up 2010 in one word. That’s kind of a huge task. But I think I figured it out.

That’s what 2010 was. Whether it was growing up, growing out (too fat for my pants HAHAHAHA NOT REALLY) or growing emotionally, I did that. The person I am last year is not the person I am this year. Even just looking back at myself around this time last year it’s shocking where I am. I was unemployed and in a fake relationship. And now I’m employed and in a relationship with the potential to go far. It’s weird to see how far I’ve come since then.

For 2011? The word I’m going to use is CONTINUE. Yes, not really a good word, but I want to keep on doing what I’m doing. I want to keep on working on myself, mentally and physically. I want to finally kick my bad habits and start making myself more of an adult and less of an awkward teenager. I want to continue to learn about what it means to work in corporate America (not that I want to be at the stuffy un-fun marketing company, but this is where I am), I want to continue to be awesome. I want to continue to learn how to cook and bake. I want to continue to volunteer and kick all sorts of ass doing it. I want to continue putting one foot in front of the other until I get what I want, even if I don’t know what that is at this point in my life.

2010 was growth…and I’m going to keep it going in 2011.