Almost the end of Reverb ’10

So I really tried to keep up with all the posts, but life got in the way.  I’m going to catch up in one giant post…wheeee!!

December 27th – Prompt: Ordinary joy. Our most profound joy is often experienced during ordinary moments. What was one of your most joyful ordinary moments this year?

I don’t know if I can put my finger on just one ordinary joyful moment.  It’s hard to say what it is.  But one thing I always like is when I wake up in the morning and I see my painted toenails.  It sounds stupid and childish, but that burst of color on my toes will bring a smile to my face even when I just woke up.  During a New England winter, it’s the only bright thing I will see for months.  And it’s totally worth it.

Another moment of ordinary joy is actual a series of moments – all the time I spent dancing around the kitchen in our old apartment.  It was the perfect space for dancing.  You should shake it all over, run into the living room if you had to and run back out.  There was nothing special about the dancing, just the fact that we did it.  The fact that sometimes, you’d have to shake your booty around just to feel good.

December 28th – Prompt: Achieve. What’s the thing you most want to achieve next year? How do you imagine you’ll feel when you get it? Free? Happy? Complete? Blissful? Write that feeling down. Then, brainstorm 10 things you can do, or 10 new thoughts you can think, in order to experience that feeling today.

Next year (at this point, this year) I want to get my life back in order.  I want to figure out What I’m Doing and Where I Want To Go and How To Get There.  I feel like I jammed on the brakes in my life when I got laid off and everything that I had planned just didn’t work out.  So I stopped.  When I started working at Fancy Marketing Company, I didn’t think much about what it was I wanted to do, I was just happy to have a foot in the door somewhere and be able to survive again.  So next year (which is this year), I’m going to try to figure my stuff out.  Figure out where I want to go, where I want to live, what sorts of things I want to do, and who I want to be.  Because I’m not done figuring that stuff out – and I might never be.  But I should think about it.  If I can achieve it, I will feel so relieved.  I’ll have a goal in mind again, something to work towards instead of just floating around aimlessly in the world.

and 10 ways to feel relief now?

1. Do things on my to-do list.  Do them in a timely fashion

2. Start doing what’s right for my body and giving it what it needs – veggies, exercise, sunshine – and not what I want it to do

3. Stop drinking.  Detox for a while.

4. Stop worrying.  Whatever is going to happen is going to happen.  I can worry about it or I can accept it.  I can’t change people.

5. No matter what happens or what I do wrong – NO ONE is going to die.  True story.

6. Don’t let anyone make me feel like crap.  Because I am flat out AWESOME.

7. Forget the people that made me sad.  Remember the people that make me happy.

8. Worry about things I can control and not the things I can’t.

9. When all else fails, hug that shit out.

10. Remember this isn’t the end.  Not even close.

December 29th –
Prompt: Defining moment. Describe a defining moment or series of events that has affected your life this year.

I think the biggest (and probably the lamest) defining moment of this year was getting my job at the Fancy Marketing Company.  I had been turned down by so many places and I felt kind of low.  It’s hard not to when you know you’re qualified but someone else doesn’t see it that way.  Getting into Fancy Marketing Company just gave me enough of a leg up so that I wouldn’t be so sad.  I was working again, my life had a schedule again and I was able to relax and not be a nervous wreck every day.  It allowed me to have more time to do the things I loved (it doesn’t make sense that I said that, but it does) and I appreciated my free time that much more.  It improved all my relationships (because I wasn’t so needy and demanding.  Or less needy and demanding) and I was able to show my friends and family how much they meant to me.  Now that I’ve been working again, I can move on.  I can find out what I want to do and go there instead of treading water.  And I don’t have to worry about the bottom dropping out from under me.  Because at least I have a hand-hold, you know?

December 30th – Prompt: Gift. This month, gifts and gift-giving can seem inescapable. What’s the most memorable gift, tangible or emotional, you received this year?

I received a few things this year that really rocked my socks off.  For my birthday, Soupsnake contacted all my friends to get them to make a 1000 Blank White Cards deck for me.  While it seems kind of stupid, the fact that she would go to all that effort really touched me.  All the cards reminded me of how much people care for me and how important they all are.  When I opened the box, I just kept on reading the cards and crying.  I still look through the cards from time to time to remember how great everyone I know can be.  This weekend was the first time that I’ve actually played with the cards and I was able to have more friends add to the deck.  In the end (if there ever is an end), I’ll have all sorts of cards to remind me of all sorts of people.  That had to be the greatest and most thoughtful gift this year.

The other 2 gifts that I received that meant a lot to me came at Christmas.  21 got me a hoodie for Christmas.  While that doesn’t seem like something that should be impressive, the fact that he paid attention to how much I lusted over his hoodie and then went to get one for me?  It’s amazing.  And it shouldn’t be, because nice people listen to their friends/partners/lovers/companions and then do nice things for them.  But he listened well, found something I liked and for that, I adore him a little bit more.

I told my friend Pam that I wanted a pony for Christmas.  I’ve wanted a  pony for years and years and STILL NO PONY, WTF PARENTS I WANT ONE.  So what did Pam get me for Christmas?  A pony charm for my Pandora bracelet.  She got me the one thing that I’ve always wanted.  While it’s not the real thing, it’s still good.  I will remember the story on that bead for as long as I own that bracelet.

December 31st -Prompt: Core story. What central story is at the core of you, and how do you share it with the world? (Bonus: Consider your reflections from this month. Look through them to discover a thread you may not have noticed until today.)

Do I even have a central story?  What can I say?  The only thing that I keep on seeing is the fact that my friends held me together for months on end, my life stopped and then started again and I have no idea who I am.  I suppose in terms of a story, that’s a good one.  There’s conflict, room for growth and excitement.  But I don’t know if I want that to be MY story.  To me, it seems boring and repetitive.  How many times can I make the same dumb choices and wander down the same path?  I guess I’m doomed to keep on doing in until I learn my lessons.  Once I understand what’s going to happen when I do the things I do, maybe I won’t be dumb about it anymore, you know?  Maybe I will have learned.

Then again, maybe not.  But possibly so.

The only way for me to find out is to embrace 2011.  Let’s see where it takes me.  I need to remember everything I’ve said and remember all the things that I did that didn’t work out.  I need to carry it with me until I don’t forget.

And 2011?  You remember something about 2010.  It was pretty amazing.  So many good things happened.  I hope that you can be just as freakin’ sweet.


Reverb Day 27 – Just an ordinary day

Prompt: Ordinary joy. Our most profound joy is often experienced during ordinary moments. What was one of your most joyful ordinary moments this year?

I think that many of the moments in my life are ordinary.  There’s nothing special about most of the things that I’ve done.  I think the times that mean the most to me are the times that I just feel alive.

Like waking up in the summer to the warm sun.  And reading a book and getting out of bed when I felt like it.  An iced coffee on a wickedly hot day.  The first snowfall of the year made me smile more than I thought possible.  Running around with a really dopey dog.  Smiling at someone when I feel like it might make their day better.  Hearing the perfect song at the perfect moment.  A light summer rain. 

My friends.  My brother’s accomplishments.  Meeting 21.  Being around everyone I love.  Crying my eyes out at my friend’s wedding. 

Engagements.  Baby births.

Reverb Day 26 – Food.

Prompt: Soul food. What did you eat this year that you will never forget? What went into your mouth & touched your soul?

Honestly, one of the things that I love the most is talking about food.  I love talking about food.  It’s called food porn where I come from and it’s how you know that no matter how much weight I lose (not that I’ve lost any lately) I will still talk about other kinds of food while I’m eating food.

It’s really hard to say what the best thing that I had to eat this year was.  Generally the best thing that I have to eat is the thing that I want to eat the most at that moment.

When I was in Atlanta for my friends wedding, I had amazing Thai food.  I know that makes no sense, but GOD so good.  I had drunken noodles that rocked my socks off and crystal noodles that I could have died for.  And then after the wedding?  We ate the leftovers cold.  There are very few things that I eat cold, but those noodles were FREAKING AMAZING.  I dream of those crystal noodles.  I will keep on searching for someplace local to me that makes crystal noodles as good as those ones.

I love having really good pizza and really cold beer (classy lady, WHAT WHAT).  it doesn’t take much to thrill me when it comes to food, but things taht I like that are really good?  Those are the sorts of things that I remember.

I also miss when I lived at my apartment and the roommate and I would decide that the food pyramid was for suckers and we’d eat nachos and jalpeno poppers and chicken tenders for dinner.  Those were the days.

Reverb Day 25 – Photo

Prompt: Photo – a present to yourself. Sift through all the photos of you from the past year. Choose one that best captures you; either who you are, or who you strive to be. Find the shot of you that is worth a thousand words. Share the image, who shot it, where, and what it best reveals about you.

There aren’t a lot of photos from me this year – or so it seems.

This photo was taken at my friends wedding.  She had a photo booth and wanted all the bridesmaids to get silly and creative with it. I know I’ve mentioned this before.  So here we all are, showing what too much metal for just one bridal party is.

I like this picture because it’s fun and silly.  We’re all having so much fun.  That’s what I want to remember from this year – the fun.  The good times, which certainly outweighed the bad times this year.

This picture shows me as I am – always the instigator, always ready for fun and always the troublemaker.  And I’m okay with that.

Reverb Day 24 – Everything’s okay

Prompt: Everything’s OK. What was the best moment that could serve as proof that everything is going to be alright? And how will you incorporate that discovery into the year ahead?

The only moment that can serve as proof that everything is okay is the fact that moments keep on happening.  I keep on waking up and going to work and seeing my friends and having fun.  If things weren’t okay, that wouldn’t happen.

Stuff gets hard.  Times get tough.  But even when I was thinking that stuff couldn’t get worse, there would be a glimmer of hope.  I might laugh so hard at someone that I cried.  I might have lots of fun sitting on the couch all night with one of my friends.  I might meet a boy that amuses me, if only for a moment.

As long as moments, even if few and far between, keep on happening, that’s how I know it’s going to be okay.  As long as I get butterflies from seeing 21, I have friends that make me laugh and smile, I’ve got a family that might be insane, but they are still mine – things are going to be okay.

Everything else between those moments that’s good and wonderful?  that’s just a bonus

 

Reverb Day 23 – Hi, my name is…

Prompt: New name. Let’s meet again, for the first time. If you could introduce yourself to strangers by another name for just one day, what would it be and why?

It’s hard to think of yourself with a new name.  Because I’m so very much what my name is, I think.  I mean, yes, every 5th girl born in the 1980s has my name, but still.  It’s me.  My name is who I am.

I think if I had to pick a new name, it would be Charlotte.  It’s very old fashioned, and I like that.  It sounds like it’s proper and well mannered.  And since I am neither of those things, people would be in for quite a surprise.  Charlotte sounds formal.  Charlotte sounds like someone you would want to confide in.   Charlotte is probably all the things that I find I cannot be.  She’s calm, well put together and charming.  She’s quiet and appropriate.  She doesn’t drink too much, she makes good life choices and you know, she’s from Connecticut.

I’m not Charlotte though.  I’m me.  I’m the anti-Charlotte.  And while it would be nice to think that one day, I might settle down and be a little less…wacky…I like the way I am.  I like making people laugh, I like sometimes (mostly) making a scene and I like being the loud and outspoken one.  I’m so not Charlotte.

Charlotte is also my grandmother’s name.  I think she embodies a Charlotte far more than I ever could, but it’s nice to dream.

Reverb Day 22 – Travel

Okay, so I’m way behind on these.  Like really way behind.  But life gets in the way, you know?
Prompt: Travel. How did you travel in 2010? How and/or where would you like to travel next year?

I didn’t do a lot of traveling in 2010.  Or at least I don’t think so.  I go to Vermont a few times a year, so that doesn’t count to me.  I went to Atlanta – that was a blast.

But I did get to go on a business trip (that was a first) to Toronto (which was another first).  I got to go through customs and I did not make friends with the customs agents.  Ron Jeremy was waiting for a plane in the same terminal that I was.  And I’ve never been so happy to see a bed than I was on the day that I arrived.  It was a good trip though.  I finally got to meet everyone that I’ve been talking to on the phone for months and make those working relationships very solid.

For the first time in like, 10 years, I went on summer vacation with my entire family (like aunts, uncles, cousins and all) to Cape Cod.  I was only there for 5 days, but that was more than enough.  Being surrounded by all that insanity is tiring.  And drinking all day long?  That’s also exhausting.  But I put my time in.  I got an AWESOME tan.  And now I know enough not to go back next year.

In 2011, I’m going with my dear friend Karen to New Orleans (CAN’T WAIT) and then on a cruise to Mexico.  There’s an Alfred reunion coming down the pike and I’m sure many trips to Vermont.

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