Oh hello, I’m still alive

I haven’t blogged in, well, forever, because I feel like I have nothing to say.  And that’s not true at all.  It’s more like I have nothing to bitch about, so what do I have to write about?

Because in my mind, the people that read my blog only want to hear me complain about things.  NO THIS IS NOT CORRECT.

Things have been…crazy.  Chaotic.  It was a long, weird summer.  After my grandma was diagnosed with lymphoma and then had the stroke, things because very tense.  She was in the hospital, then in the ICU, then in a rehab place, then in a nursing home and now, FINALLY, she’s home.  But she’s not the same as she was before, as would be expected.  So it’s hard.  sometimes she’s like the person she was – she will make funny faces and wink at us and laugh at our jokes.  And sometimes, it’s like she’s not there at all.  She’s making such great progress though, and there’s no more lymphoma, so those are things to be really thrilled about.  My grandma is a tough lady, so I had no doubts she would make it through all of this.

And after that, my summer, my fall has been amazing.  Honestly.  I’ve been dating the most wonderful, amazing, perfect man.  Perfect for me, at least.  I didn’t think it would work with us in the beginning – he seemed too nice, I’m too harsh.  But it did work.  Mostly because once I got to know him, I realized that I didn’t want to destroy his life.  In fact, I want him to stay in my life as long as he can.

There’s something so different about things between us.  I fell for him so hard and so fast that it’s difficult to believe we haven’t even been together for 6 months yet.  But I know that things between us are far from over.  He brings out the best in me and helps me see the best in myself.  He’s kind and loving and thinks the world of me.  And I think the world of him.  I didn’t think I could feel this way about someone.  And yet, I smile all the time when I talk about him.  My pulse still races when I know I’m going to see him.  Every time he looks at me in a certain way, I feel more loved than I ever have before.  There are things about our relationship that go so much deeper than any other relationship before.

For his birthday, I surprised him at his house with dinner and a birthday cake.  The look on his face when he came through the door and realized that I was there was the best look anyone has ever given me.  That made it all worth it.  I realized that I wanted to surprise him for his birthday because I knew how happy it would make him.  He still talks about it, how great it was, how he had the most amazing birthday ever.

All I can think is that I’m so incredibly lucky to have met him, to have him in my life.  I’m so happy that I found him.  That he found me.  That we made our way to each other.  My face hurts from smiling all the time.  I am the most disgusting relationship girl that has ever existed.

And my god, do I love it.

Wine and Love – AGAIN

Time for Wine and Love.  Time to blog again!

 

Wine:

– Having a cold.  It seriously just hit me this morning.  Boo

– Work being crazy nonsense

– WTF is going on with the weather?  It’s warm, it’s cold, it’s humid, it’s not.

– Family drama.  Lots of it.  SAVE IT

 

Love:

– Grandma is done with chemo!  Grandma got her PICC line out!

– Pumpkin spice coffee

– Manfriend, being awesome all the time every day

– Being madly, overwhelmingly, super awesomely in love. All the time.  Every day

– FALL IS HERE (almost)

– Atlanta in a week!

 

 

Wine and Love, Starting again

Thanks to Suki for hosting.  And really, it’s time to get blogging again

Stuff that needs some wine…

– First week at my job where I’m the only person in my department.  And although we’re getting a new person, she’s “not that good with computers”, so she’s mostly useless.  WONDERFUL

– Not being able to curb my habit of eating ALL THE THINGS.  honestly self.  please stop.

– Feeling overwhelmed for no reason

– Not sleeping well

– A rather pathetic looking resume

– My grandma being diagnosed with lymphoma.  Ugh.

– Wakes.  not fun.

Stuff that fills my heart up with love…

– A job opportunity.  But not just any job opportunity.  A job opportunity to do what I would love to do at a company i would love to work for.  And freaking out about it.

– Summer finally being here.  HELLO SUNSHINE

– the idea of moving.  The idea of painting.  The idea of getting out and starting new

– Date on saturday night.  With a boy that is into me.  (Additional wine – feeling like I’m skipping down the same path that I have been down before and wondering if I’m an idiot for doing this again)

– Puppies at the animal shelter

– Realizing that I’m starting to be in a place where I can do whatever whenever.  And feeling so alive.

Future Husband, I have a confession…

I did this last week just because.  And then I got to thinking more and think it’s a great idea.  Totally weird.  But absolutely great.

Dear Future Husband,

I have a confession – sometimes I think about what our wedding will be like.  And by that I mean I dream of all the things that I can do.  See, I’m sort of crafty.  Or I’d like to think that I am.  And sometimes my head gets all filled up with things from pinterest that I think I can do.  Perhaps I can do them.  it’s really hard to say.  Regardless, I already know how I want our wedding to be.

You can have input.  You hate the centerpieces that I’ve already designed in my head?  Fine, we’ll change them.  you don’t like the idea of pie for dessert?  Okay, we can have cake.  You don’t want a big bridal party?  I’m sorry, I can’t help that. We can compromise though.  There are plenty of things we don’t have to do.

But we do have to make our wedding a total dance party.  We do have to have an after the wedding party.  And the next morning?  We need to have brunch.  These are things that you cannot deny would be super fun.  I’d like to think that our wedding will just be one huge party.  Because that’s what it should be – a celebration of two people coming together.

Many people I know are in serious relationships right now.  Even more people are married.  But we’re not there quite yet, Future Husband.  I know we will be one day.  That just means that when we get married, it’s going to be a big blow out.  People will be talking about our wedding because it will be the only one at the time.  We’ll hire babysitters for our friend’s kids so they can come and enjoy the wedding.  We’ll do everything we can to make the day stress free.

Whenever I think about our wedding, Future Husband, I realize tht I forget one thing.  I forget that our wedding is about you and me joining our lives.  And it’s not about the dress and the food and the booze and the flowers and the music.  It’s about you and me and forever.  I’ll try to keep that in mind.

But I can’t lie – the food and the music and the dress and the booze are good things.  But nothing as good as being with you.

XO

Sarah

Dear Future Husband (because that’s not holy weird or anything)

Prompt based on this post from Peter 

Dear Future Husband,

I’m really glad I found you.  No, really.  I mean, it took me long enough to get here, so I’m thrilled that we’re together.  Obliviously you’re pretty awesome to want to marry me.  And who wouldn’t want to do that?  Idiots, most likely.

Regardless, here we are.  I hope you’re excited for our life together.  I know I’m not always the easiest person to deal with.  I know I’m demanding at times.  I know I can make you tired – I make myself tired.  But I will promise that we’ll always have something to laugh about.  And that I’ll always do my best to make you smile.  And we won’t go to bed angry at each other.  Most importantly – and really, the most important thing – we’re in this together.

I can also promise that I’ll bake wonderful things for you to eat.  I promise that if I make a mess in the kitchen, I’ll clean it up.  I’ll make dinner – as long as you offer to do that sometimes too.

But you have to promise me a few things.  Promise me that we’ll make time for adventures and Saturdays spent in bed.  Promise that when it snows too much, we’ll not even leave the house, but stay in our pajamas and roast marshmallows and wish for the summer.  Promise me we can watch Arrested Development when we’ve had bad days at work and order take out and have a picnic on the floor.  And promise that when my college friends come to visit, you won’t get upset with all the squealing.  Because that happens a lot. Also, please keep in mind my family is sort of nuts.  So don’t take what they say to heart.  Eventually they will love you as much as I do – if they don’t already.

Well Future Husband, that’s all for now.  I know there’s so much more I have to say to you.

XO

Sarah

Wine and Love – again

There was a time, back when I blogged often, that I would do Wine and Love every week.  Let’s get back to that time.  Thanks to Suki for hosting…

Things that make me take another drink…

• Realizing that i probably paid too much for my plane ticket to Atlanta. Ugh.
• After having my surgery and about a month of PT, I still am having some issues getting back into the swing of things.  My back hurts and it’s upsetting.  WHY must you be that way?
• I’ve been the only person in my department since yesterday.  my other coworker doesn’t come back until Monday.  This is…not good
• Sickness.  All around.  Everyone needs to stop
• Sleepy.  So sleepy
• Feeling totally overwhelmed with life, but not having anything to really point out as the problem
• Everyone and their mother (HA) getting pregnant.  What is THAT about?

 

Things that make me love…

• Getting to see old friends in Chicago this past weekend
• Eating my way through Chicago
• Another wedding next weekend.  MORE LOVE!
• Sunshine.  summer time.
• Remembering that everything can’t go my way all the time.  Instead, trying to find the little things that bring me joy.

Ten on Tuesday – Getting Back In the Game edition

1. Who is your favorite talk show host?
Probably Ellen.  I don’t watch talk shows, but all the clips that I’ve watched from her show are just so great.

2. How do you style your hair on a daily basis?
I just got my hair cut, so I’ve been blow drying it.  But when I’m lazy, I just brush it and let it air-dry.

3. If you were stuck in your bedroom for a week, what would you need in order to not go crazy?
Books.  Lots of books.

4. What are the best non-reality shows on television?
I hardly watch TV in real time.  I’m mostly stuck on DVDs from Netflix.  I do really enjoy the Big Bang Theory, How I Met Your Mother and Modern Family.

5. Do you mow your own lawn and clean your own house?
Yes to the house, no to the lawn.

6. As an adult, what is the best part of summer?
Sitting on the porch, enjoying a beverage.  Staying out late with friends when the weather is nice.

7. If you could ask one celebrity one question, who and what would you ask?
Uh…probably The Situation.  Only to ask him what the hell is wrong with him.

8. Post a picture.

 

9. How many books do you read a year?
I’ve set a goal of reading 75 books this year.  I don’t know if I can make it.  I’m pacing like, 8 books behind.

10. Which national chain makes the best delivery pizza?
Honestly, I don’t eat pizza from places like that.  There are so many local places around here that we don’t eat Pizza Hut/Domino’s/Papa Johns.  I’m a snot, I know.

An update on some things

I forgot I had a blog.  Honestly.  I was just so wrapped up in everything that was going on that I forgot that I wrote about things.

When we last spoke, I was having problems with my back.  So I saw a spinal surgeon, who recommended surgery.  That caused me to promptly freak out. I made an appointment with a neurosurgeon…who recommended the same thing.  That wasn’t an easy choice to make.  I didn’t even know if the surgery was going to work.  Both doctors suggested that the damage to my nerves from the disc herniation could be permanent.  There was the chance that I would never regain feeling in my foot, the muscles would continue to be weak and that I would walk with a limp for the rest of my life.

SEXY AND I KNOW IT

I had the surgery about a month ago.  It was out patient surgery and really, as far as the neurosurgeon was concerned, a really straightforward surgery.  My surgery was at 11 and I was out of the hospital by 7.  I was having a nervous breakdown before my surgery, but calmed down once they put something nice in my IV.  After my surgery, I was out of work for 3 weeks.

But now I’m back.  And I feel…amazing.  I feel so much better.  I have the feeling back in my foot (!!!!) and don’t walk all funny and finally feel like I can get back to my life again.  I’ve started PT and I’ve continued walking every day.  I feel great. I know I made the right choice.

Having the surgery was really holding me back.  It was a road block that I didn’t know if I could get around.  But I did.  Now I feel like I can move on with things.  I can get my life back on track and do what I need to do.

If this was a football game, it would be time for a pep-talk right now.

Here’s the thing about 2012 – it has not been the best to me.  really.  I’ve not had a good 3 months.

It started out when I had some sort of mini flu when I was in Atlanta for New Years.  So instead of going out and watching fireworks with friends, I was at my friend’s apartment.  On an air mattress.  I had shaking chills, a fever, and generally felt like death.  HAPPY NEW YEAR.

At that point, I should have known that there was no good way for this to go.  But I was optimistic.  Because you know, one bad day does not equal a lifetime of bad days.  Again – I was wrong.  After my illness in Atlanta, I had pink eye in both eyes.  And then strep throat.  I was in sad shape.

But I recovered!  As I knew I would.  And after that I was hitting the gym a lot and working out and lifting weights…and then my back started bothering me.  Like really bothering me.  I figured it was something with my sciatic nerve and didn’t think much else of it.  I was taking anti-inflammatory drugs and then I stopped working out so hard.  Then my back felt better and I went back to working out full tilt.

Until my back started hurting more.  And worse.  Two weeks ago I woke up in the middle of the night because I was having a back spasm.  I made an appointment to see my doctor right away.  She did x-rays, which showed nothing.  She sent me to the orthopedist.  And off I went.  He ordered an MRI.  And then my foot went numb.  I cannot feel part of my foot.  If I wasn’t alarmed because my back was screaming, I was alarmed after that.

I’ve come to find out that I have a severely herniated disc in my back.  And one of the nerves is being pinched, so that’s why I have no feeling in my foot.  I’m glad that I know what’s wrong with me…but at the same time, it’s kind of like, really?  Really right now?

I was putting money in my FSA, thinking that I would get a new pair of glasses this year.  But after paying for the x-rays and the co-pays and the MRIs, I will be lucky if I have any extra money left.  It’s frustrating because at this point, It seems like there is nothing I can do.  I do have an appointment to see a physical therapist and that should help.  But I’m just sad now.

There’s not much I can do.  I would go for a walk, but with my numb foot, I just kind of limp along.  I can’t really lift anything – or shouldn’t really lift anything.  I only just recently was able to fall asleep without the help of the muscle relaxers.  I’m broken.  That’s what it comes down to.

At the same time, I’m lucky that I can afford to go to the doctors.  I’m glad that I pushed an issue that was bothering me and it wasn’t just something stupid.  And most importantly, while this is a serious thing, it’s not that serious.  I’m not going to die.  I’m not going to have to have my legs chopped off. I  just have to take it easy and let myself heal (or at least that’s what I’m hoping to do)

Wine and Love – It’s a hot one edition

Time for Wine and love, hosted by Nora

Things that make me want to take another swig…

– Ongoing issues with my back.  My foot is numb.  Still.  The steroids I was on helped the pain in my back go away.

– I have an MRI for my back tonight.  I know they aren’t scary and they don’t hurt…I just…don’t want to do it.

– I also have a dentist appointment tonight.  I’m lucky that I don’t have any issues with my teeth.  I still dislike going to the dentist.  When he starts cleaning my teeth, my entire body goes rigid.  DO NOT LIKE.

– Thinking yesterday was Thursday when it really was Wednesday.

– Not having enough time in the week to get things done.  I am going to a bridal shower on Sunday and we still haven’t completed the present.  WHOOPS.

– The catty bitches at work, being, well…the catty bitches at work.

– Going from working out 4 times a week to basically nothing until my back heals.  Ugh.

 

Things that make me love….

– It’s a beautiful day outside.  And I plan on going outside for lunch.

– It’s Thursday!

– My back doesn’t pain me as much as it did.  And that’s a great improvement.

– Overnight in MA this weekend.  It’s only a short little getaway, but it’s enough.

– Having my trip to Chicago with my lovely friend Karen booked!  Both the flight AND the hotel.  We’ll have a blast.

– Having an excellent dinner last night, thanks to restaurant week.

– Finding joy in the small things as of late.